I gave my Welsh friend some carrots to make a carrot cake, and he called me a moron.

Can someone explain that to me.

Oh got it with the help of google translate.

Perhaps Google Translate should have been used for these! 😮😂
https://cyclingwales.co.uk/badlytranslated.html

I ordered a lemon gateaux in a Spanish restaurant and el camarero brought me a yellow cat.

I caught German measles, and an Arzt asked me if I'd had any spotted dick. I think he was talking cobblers.

Man runs in to the vets, I've just run over a cat. Vet, is it a tom? No it's in the car.

A snack for Mr Spooner, the vet, who doesn't like dogs: not poodle.

😂

I received a phone call tonight, one of those telemarketing places I think. Anyway I answered and the guy on the phone said, "I'm you dandy highwayman". I kept trying to put him off but he was adamant.

I wonder if house music is ever composed in A flat.

Actually, I think I can do better than that:

I wonder if The Housemartins ever composed any music in A flat. I heard some of their records in a sale were going cheep.

American walks into a cake shop in Austria.He smiles at the owner and says "Howdy".She looks puzzled but then corrects him "Heidi". His wife was sat outside in an Audi.

A man sees a round cake in a shop window which is labelled 'Enough for 7 people'. He goes in and, not being very good at maths, says to the baker, 'There are going to be 22 people at my party, so how many of these cakes would I need?' There are a lot of pies in the shop, and the baker, who is Greek, replies in a strong accent, 'You need pi.' The man turns through 180 degrees and leaves.

A man looking in the cake shop window, sees a black forest gateaux. He goes in asks the shop assistant "Can I 'ave one of them there gattox". The shop assistant relies snootily "it's pronounced gatto". The man says "well bollo, you can keep it."

Lazlo Woodbine: I would guess the shop doesn't sell cobblers.

Would adding a candle be sufficient to turn a crumble into a cake?

A man goes into a cake shop and says, 'I'm looking for a tart.' The shopkeeper replies, 'There was one in here just now.'

Guy goes into a shop and asks for a packet of helicopter flavoured crisps. The guy behind the counter says "sorry mate, we don't do helicopter, we just do plane"

A horse goes into a pub and the barman asks, "why the long face"

Pony trots into a pub and asks for a pint. Barman asks him to speak up. Pony asks again for a pint. Barman says he still can't hear him and can he speak up. Pony croaks back 'I can't speak up I'm a little hoarse'.

A guy goes into a pub and asks for 2 pies and a pint, he drinks the pint then puts the pies behind his ears and walks out, this intrigues the barman, then the same guy does the same thing the next day then the day after. The barman is really puzzled and is determined to ask the guy why he he's doing this. Anyhoo, the guy comes in and asks for a pint and 2 pies, the barman apologises, sorry we are out of pies, so the guy says, OK then two packets of crisps. Then just as the guy is about to leave with the packets of crips behind his ears the barman asks, why do you put the crisps behind your ears to which the guy replies "because you've no pies"

Lion strolls into a pub and says ' I'd like a pint of bitter ............................... ...................................... please' Barman says 'Why the big pause'

To quote the great Billy Connolly,
A guy goes into the the City Bakery and asks, "Is that a cake or a meringue" to which the baker replies," you're right it's a cake"
Explanation of the Glasgow accent on request !!!
Cheers, john.

sparky:
The lion replies, 'I'll tell you the mane reason if you like, but it's quite a long tail …'

JohnH: 🤔 ... or am I wrong? 😂

Correct, with a broad Glasgow accent "am I wrong" can sound like "a meringue" 😂